Living without Comfort
As we prepare for Pentecost, I have been reflecting on my Lent and Easter season. The day after Ash Wednesday, I injured my finger and quickly found myself not being able to use my left hand. As an independent woman, who is used to taking care of myself and others, I started asking for help with the littlest things, and I realized I was really uncomfortable, but didn’t know what to do next.
When Fr. Dale hosted the School of Change, he told us that comfort is our god. This idea violates scripture, Exodus 20:3 says “you should have no false gods before me.” Sitting in the audience with an injured finger, hearing this message, I realized God was pushing me out of my comfort zone.
When you go from being someone who gives everything they have to everyone else to being the one asking for help, there is a level of vulnerability I had not experienced before. I was extremely depressed and shared with people that if I can’t help at church, why should I bother coming? One person I shared this with told me “you are valued for you, not for what you do.”
I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t believe them at first, I thought it was just a way to make me feel better. I literally cried out to God for days trying to believe what I was told. I knew this was my depression talking, but when your head and heart are reading different books, it’s a struggle to believe the kind words of someone who loves you.
Soon after, I taught myself how to use my hand in a different way and I felt my independence come back. That lasted about two months, just long enough for my school semester to end and then I was having finger surgery and landed myself in that position of having to ask for help again for the little things. It’s still not easy, but the people I call “family” have shown me that I’m loved for me and not for what I do at church and for other people.
Being pushed out of your comfort zone is the greatest struggle that anyone can go through, but it comes with the greatest reward from God. I reflect on this experience and the benefits I received, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Today, I believe my friend that I’m loved for who I am, and I love myself more than I did at the beginning of this experience for it.
I pray that everyone reading this is pushed out of their comfort zone and embraces the blessings from God that come with that journey. You are loved for who you are. Don’t forget in our weakness, God’s love shines the brightest!!