When ‘Snarky’ Becomes Bullying
Many of us had childhoods guided by the wisdom of Thumper, who famously said, “If you can’t say something nice, don‘t say nothing at all.” (Bambi, 1942, Walt Disney Productions)
However, when youthful behaviors needed modifying, others of us had Proverbs 15:4 quoted to us, probably by mothers tired of kids quarreling with each other: “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” (I will admit that in my early years, Disney often made bigger inroads into changing my conduct than did anything out of the bible.)
Regardless, one way or the other, the long-ago adults trying to keep us off a future chain gang wanted us to realize that words could be very destructive. Calling one’s sibling “stupid” or “fatso” was an obvious, intentional attempt to do some damage in the heat of a disagreement. However, where everything got blurry was when a remark was said to have been made as a joke, or as teasing. “But Mom, I was only joking!”
It wasn’t always easy for a parent to discern whether or not the intent of the “jokester” was to slide a malicious insult to a brother or sister while nobody in authority was paying attention. And if a sibling was left sniffling over a mean remark, a final jab could be hurled backwards, right as the comedian was being sent to their room. “Quit being a big crybaby! I was just kidding.”
We must be very mindful about repeating a joke or quip unless we are very sure of our audience. People have different thresholds for humor, and it’s important to respect them — unless you are intentionally trying to create a ruckus, and please be aware of the potential fallout from doing so. Ultimately, effective communication and empathy are essential in navigating humor, ensuring that it remains respectful of others’ feelings.
Am I suggesting that we curtail every impulse to make a funny observation, or point out the humor in something? Absolutely not. Quite often, humor or satire can reach a much larger audience than can a speech full of safe, but dry, observations. Erma Bombeck – the beloved author/humorist who made her home in the Valley for many years – was adept at driving home a point without seeming like her lips were pressed together in a tight line. She once observed, “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
She also advised, “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
We miss Erma these days. Today, a quick tour of the media, or what is offered up as entertainment, can often cause one to be more uncomfortable than amused. We are left wondering what is truly funny? What are merely “snarky” asides? Am I just out of touch with contemporary culture? And did that so-called funny routine cross the line?
These are subjective questions that are more easily asked than answered. Some wildly popular comedians – allegedly revered for their pithy social commentary – utilize more shock than actual wit in getting a response from an audience. Is this humor? Or, is it bullying masquerading as joking?
During this particularly contentious election year that has already hinted at being exceptionally toxic, we need to brace ourselves. Political ads will serve up a relentless stream of insults and demeaning images intended to strip both parties or candidates of basic human dignity. We need to be able to detect when political satire has shed any trace of humor and has become needlessly vicious. And, perhaps most important of all, we need to be prepared to walk away from heated debates that can quickly deteriorate into name-calling and speculation about the genus and species of one’s family heritage.
Before you drop your latest knee-slapper about the candidate you hope is abducted by space aliens before the primaries – consider where you are, and who you are with. Jokes among close friends in private may be different from those made in a public setting.
As Franklin D. Roosevelt stated, “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the figure of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.”