Now More Than Ever, Kindness Matters
It is no secret that we are nearing a crescendo of years of political divisiveness. In just a matter of weeks, the 2024 presidential election will declare a president. Regardless of who is the “winner” of one of the most negative campaigns in modern history, half of the country’s population will be unhappy. An equal amount of anxiety will stack up against whatever joy is being felt by others. It doesn’t matter whose candidate obtains the moniker “President,” there will be anger and dread in our community. So, where do we go from here?
Some years back, Fr. Dale Fushek and I collaborated on a little book called Kindness Matters: Hospitality in a Hostile World (Copyright 2013, Serey/Jones Publishers, Inc.) We considered topics that included a variety of observations, including “Hospitality as a basis for religion,” “Hospitality as a basis for leadership,” “Hospitality as a basis for politics,” and a number of others.
I looked over our book recently, and realized that we were ahead of the wave of coffee cups with slogans about random acts of kindness, and kitchen plaques that proclaim “kindness matters.” More than a decade ago, we said, “So what can be done to introduce a little hospitality to the potential blood bath that has become the business as usual way of politics today? Perhaps the final step is envisioned as being the stepping back form the micro-issues and reaching across the figurative aisle to shake hands over the mutual concerns that are shared by all concerned. But what should be the first step?…Here is a recommendation: nothing. In other words, ‘don’t just do something; stand there.’
“And listen, listen, listen. Listen to what people are saying listen to what causes them to raise their voices, or become silent themselves. Hear what they are saying, and don’t let the pauses for breath be your cue to jump in with your opinion, viewpoint, or argument…Share a meal, a bus seat, a bleacher at a ballgame, or an elevator with somebody and assume nothing about their intelligence quotient, the species of their parentage, or the fate of their immortal soul if they appear to differ politically from your views. Welcome the differing perspectives. Preserve the dignity of the individual giving voice to an approach that varies (even drastically) from your own. And do not judge the validity of what others believe, say, or endorse until you can separate opinion from prejudice, fact from bias, and truth from false generalizations…” (pg. 40-41)
Being kind isn’t just a matter of having good manners, or “being nice.” Scripture tells us in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
In other words, being kind is a deliberate act. It is an offering that is made even when the recipient might be an enemy. It is the ultimate acknowledgement that we have been forgiven, whether we deserve it or not. It’s a way of passing along grace that is much more than a random act of kindness such as paying for the Starbucks for the person behind us in the drive-thru (although that is a very happy thing to do, too). In every way, being kind is a spiritual experience.
Next month is Thanksgiving, which often includes a dinner table surrounded by family members and friends who may not see each other regularly except behind bowls of mashed potatoes and platters of turkey. Jokes are made about how uncomfortable conversations can be during such times of shared exposure. I remember well my seat at the infamous “kids’ table” with a cousin who was a freshman in college. He was wearing a brand-new cravat and a pained expression. He resented being forced to sit with “children,” and being a couple of feet away where the so-called adults were discussing in raised voices the dire state of politics and politicians. An election had just taken place, and the majority of the men at the dinner table had been disappointed at the outcome, and were sure the proverbial handbasket to hell was taking on passengers, even as we passed around the cranberry sauce.
I remember the voice of one of my uncles, whose natural warmth and calm were called upon frequently to smooth over family interactions. During a lull in the discussion that had passed from spirited to heated, he said, “Well, I think we’re all on the same page. We’re just looking at different paragraphs. I’m just glad we’re all here together today. And, I think we all need some pie. And maybe some of my good brandy.”
I had just witnessed Proverbs 15 in action. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Furthermore, the true glory of my grandmother’s pie was not overshadowed by anything, except maybe the whipped cream that a couple of us at the kids’ table loaded on top of it.
It’s more than 60 years after my uncle defused a potential holiday clash that would have been remembered for way too many future Thanksgivings and election cycles. And today, our country is still intact and has endured — either for or in spite of the efforts of its politicians to direct its course. The dire predictions of my long-ago relatives never became reality.
As for the aforementioned cousin in the cravat, he survived the dinner at the kids’ table with my sister and me. Today, he has enough grandchildren that they require several kids’ tables at the holidays. From the looks of his diverse clan together in pictures, they must have lively discussions. I hope they remember to be kind to each other.